Why I've Been Single For Two Years, Dating Boundaries, & Starting a Project MVP Style

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[00:00:00] Hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of the daily Dee podcast. I'm your host, destiny Lalaine, and today we're going to talk about something that a lot of people may not know about me, and I'm coming clean to let you guys know that I have been single for over two years. Yes, I, destiny lane. Have been single for the last two years.

And it's a question that when people find out they have questions about it. And I want to share a little bit about why I've been single, uh, some, you know, things that I look for in a relationship, boundaries, questions, stuff like that. Because I think that a lot of other people that are in the dating scene could benefit from hearing this.

And, um, I also want to talk a little bit about getting started on new projects. So I know that those are. Two wildly different topics, but they're just what I'm thinking about today. So let's get into dating. So I have [00:01:00] officially been single for about two years now. Um, my ex boyfriend broke up with me in January of 2018 I can't remember the exact date, but it was early.

Um, it was definitely the first half, and I've been single ever since. And I've been single for a number of reasons, and I think that. All of them are extremely valid, and I just want to share some of these with you because I think that people get a lot of pressure to date, especially women and younger and younger, depending on where you're from.

Uh, as I'm recording this, I'm 27 I turned 28 on March 31st my Venmo is destiny Lalaine. If anyone wants to send me a birthday gift. So when I first broke up with my partner, the reason why I stayed single and didn't even pursue any dates, like I definitely did not get on any dating apps. Um, I was definitely interested in having sex with other people to remember what that was like.

Um, but I definitely was in no position to [00:02:00] be dating anyone or getting emotionally involved with anyone. And when we broke up, I had moved to Tampa and I did start meeting some people and I knew that I wasn't going to live in Tampa for long. So I definitely didn't want to get too emotionally involved with people.

Um, but I definitely ran into, you know, some interesting people that I could have potentially seen myself dating. Um, but you know, there were certain things that I needed to figure out first. Um, I remember when one of my first days when I got out there, I did meet someone and I did hook up with them. Not necessarily that.

Day, but I was interested in it and he became someone I hooked up with several times. And then I realized that they were getting way too emotionally attached to me and I had to be very clear with them and let them know that, Hey, I don't think it's healthy that we continue to hook up. It's very obvious that you want something more than I want.

And I need to be very, very honest with myself and you know, respectful of you and understand that it's very obvious that [00:03:00] you cannot, um. You know, some people can have that boundary, uh, but not everyone can. And it's important to be honest with yourself. You know, sex is cool, and having someone to spend time with is cool, but leading someone on is not, and it can be very draining on you.

And there's no reason to do that because the way I see it is there are so many people in the world. There is someone or someone's that. Are looking for, you know, whatever it is that you're looking for and it's in your best interest that you do the work to find and attract that person. Um, I think that playing someone is very exhausting and it's just not something I'm interested in.

So I very quickly had to shut that one down. Uh, but I met someone else and they seemed interesting. And when I first met them, I thought they were trying to network with me. Um, and I say that because I met them and they didn't even give me their phone number. We just kind of chatted through, um, Instagram after meeting each other.

And then I think we exchanged phone numbers solely so that we could chat about business [00:04:00] via FaceTime. And after I spoke with this person via FaceTime, it ended up going a lot longer than expected. And we ended up talking about our personal lives way more than we talked about business. And it was very obvious to me that this guy was into me, but I wasn't completely sure and I wasn't going to push it just because I didn't feel like emotionally ready to get into a relationship.

So I didn't feel like it, it made sense to push that question. I wasn't even sure how long I was going to be in Tampa. Um. Now. I ended up staying in Tampa for six months. For anyone that's curious about that. I lived there from January until, uh, June. With the cousin that I mentioned last episode, who was most recently in town.

Shout out to you, Jonathan. Thank you for being there for me during those hard times and also thank you for cleaning my apartment while you were here because you've really helped me regain my sanity. Like I just have felt so busy lately that I haven't even been able to like find a cleaner. And I know that sounds like such a privileged problem to have.

But, [00:05:00] um, it's a problem that I had and it was driving me insane and I was a little embarrassed to bring people, even just friends over to my apartment because it was just such a mess. Like I had dishes in my sink that I hadn't washed since I moved here. And I, I appreciate you. Anyways, so I, you know, that guy, after we FaceTimed say that was like on a Wednesday, he asked me if I wanted to hang out on Saturday and I didn't want to overthink it.

To me, I just assumed that on Saturday we would meet up and his business partner that I met him with would be there. And that was totally okay. And I just, I didn't even feel like asking just because, like I said, I was not in a good place at all emotionally. And you know, I didn't want to run the risk of missing out on a friend because these were two guys that were in the holistic.

A wellness industry and they had a health and wellness product, like a, a consumable, uh, I can't remember all the terms, but a consumable [00:06:00] product, um, that I actually believed in. And I was like, cool. Like at least, if anything, I found some, you know, two cool dudes and I'm sure the other dudes, fiance is Joe poo.

I ended up meeting and she was so sweet. Super sweet. And I just didn't want to turn down friends, especially super like-minded friends. Um, and that's really, you know how that started. And I remember that Saturday, um, we were supposed to hang out, say at like four o'clock, and I found myself still working on stuff that I wanted to work on before I hung out with him.

But I didn't want to tell him that just because I didn't want to seem flaky. Um, especially because it was going to be our first time hanging out and I didn't want to lose these good friends. So. Oddly enough, he texted me and said, Hey, I'm running a little late. Can we hang out? You know, and in whatever timeframe.

And I said, that's totally fine. Thanks for letting me know. And as it got closer to that time, I just felt like, Oh my gosh, like I'm still doing stuff. I still need to do my laundry. There's a few other things I want to do, but [00:07:00] again, I didn't want to say that to him because I didn't want to come off as flaky.

And oddly enough, he texted me again and said, Hey, I'm not bailing on tonight, but I am running a little behind. Can we hang out at whatever time he suggested, and I was like, honestly, that's super perfect. It's not a problem at all. So very shortly after he called me and he didn't say anything, but he called me and just started casually talking to me.

So then I assumed that, you know, maybe he's bailing, but it feels weird about bailing, but he just wants to talk or whatever it is. And you know, me not really having too many expectations. I just was going with the flow and we were just. Talking, and before I knew it, I looked up at my phone and realized we had been talking for 45 minutes and I still needed to put my laundry in the dryer or like take it out of the dryer.

And all of a sudden he was like, Hey, um, where are you right now? And I said, I'm at my cousin's place. My cousin has a two bedroom condo, and I was living in one of the rooms. And. He said, you know, when he [00:08:00] said, where are you right now? It hit me that he is here now. He lived about a, I think an hour away from me and I was like, Oh, that's kind of cute that he just like casually just like called me and you know, just showed up.

And I was definitely thrown off cause I was definitely not ready to hang out with him and I had no idea that this was just going to be us too. So I was like, Oh, that's cool. Is this, this is clearly a date. But I also just felt like no pressure. So we met up and we parked his car and we walked to this cute little walking path, and I thought it was nice just because I didn't feel pressure to go to a bar and sit down.

Instead, we were doing things that I liked doing, which are go on walks and enjoy the sunset, and we were drinking, uh, whatever. Uh, I don't even know what to call it, but I know the term. Um, but the product he was working on and we drank it and you know, I gave him some feedback on some of the flavors that I didn't like.

And I thought it was kind of cute and it seemed very organic. So we did actually go and get a drink after. [00:09:00] And um, that was it. And I got the feeling that he wasn't necessarily emotionally ready to get involved in a relationship, but at the same time was forcing himself to go on dates because he knew it was important that he does that.

And to me that was okay. And I just felt like, you know what? Let's just kind of see where it goes. And if it doesn't go anywhere, that's totally fine. And I very quickly realized that this guy was not going to leave the Tampa area, which is totally fine. He has family obligations that keep him there, and that's totally fine and fine.

And out of respect to him. I realized that we acknowledged that we kept paying out, and then we just put that on pause. It just didn't make sense. And that to me was totally okay because I didn't really see this becoming a thing. Um, you know, it was definitely a little hard to think, wow. Like, you know, it's cool to meet someone that you have some things in common, but this is just not the person.

Um, you know, that felt a little hard, not as heavy as my breakup. But, um, I think it felt a little hard just because I [00:10:00] felt a little isolated and I felt a little isolated because I came from a world where, you know, I run a business and fuck what other people say. Running a business, starting a business from scratch, not inheriting a business, buying a business, um, buying out a business.

I'm talking truly starting a business from scratch is truly the hardest thing a person can do. I genuinely think raising a child. Is easier than starting a business from scratch. And I say that because at least raising a child has a formula. Ha. Running a business, starting a business from scratch does not have a formula.

And just because you feel like it is just, it's insane. You are on your own. There is no one to go to. Oftentimes, and oftentimes the problems that you're facing are, can be so new that no one else has faced them, or maybe you don't know someone that's faced them. And that is truly one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

And my partner was there as I did that, and I just felt like, Oh my gosh, like no one understands [00:11:00] me. I don't really know many people that run their own businesses, and it's not even about running these huge businesses. I just wanted someone that could understand some of the problems that I was facing.

And I just felt like that was not the vibe I was getting in Tampa. Also. Um, you know, Tampa just didn't have certain scenes that I want it to be involved in. Uh, the startup scene was not as lively down there and, you know, health and wellness and caring about certain things that I had learned to love, uh, was not really important down there.

So. All these things made me feel really isolated and I just knew that it didn't make sense for me to pursue anyone seriously there because I didn't see myself staying there long enough. And one day in June, I, you know, woke up and I felt the confidence I needed to feel to leave Tampa and I just.

Genuinely did not feel like emotionally. Like when my boyfriend and I broke up, I definitely wanted to move back to LA or New York city and I was just not ready to do that. I genuinely think that if I did that, I probably would've killed myself. Sorry, [00:12:00] not sorry. I just felt. So beyond isolated and so just all over the place.

And I really just needed to collect myself before I left Tampa. And it's interesting because when I tell people that I lived in Tampa for six months, people like try to make me feel stupid and be like, Oh, Tampa sucks, blah, blah, blah. And actually the longer I sit. Stayed the more I loved it and I genuinely, as I drove away, I like cried thinking about all the friends that I made, like the true genuine friends that I had made there, and how grateful I was for them.

Wow. I'm like a little sad just thinking about it and . It's really shitty when you know, people try to make you feel less than for making decisions that are best for you. And I was just like, I would tell people straight up, I'd be like, no. Like Tampa was lit. Like my cousin has a great place, a great social circle.

Tampa was everything I needed it to be. And more so fuck the haters that just want to talk shit just to talk shit. So as I left Tampa. My original intentions were to drive back to Los Angeles [00:13:00] and move here. And what I ended up doing instead was I ended up living in Austin for three months. I thought I was going to stay there for two weeks.

I fell in love with it and I stayed until I was over it. Um, it's really interesting because guys that I had spoken to in the past that I had never actually gone on dates with, never ended up hooking up with out in LA. Would like get upset with me because I stayed in Tampa longer than I said I would and they would get upset because I stayed in Austin longer than I said I would.

And if you're getting upset over me making life decisions that are best for me when I haven't even gone on a date with you, fuck you, dude. You are not the one and you sound sad. Work on yourself. Stop worrying about a significant other. And that's how I feel. And when I was in Austin, I, you know, definitely did get on dating apps with the intention of at least hooking up with someone.

And you know, if it made sense dating someone. But if someone just wanted to live in Austin forever, had no intentions on leaving, definitely making it clear that Hey, like this is not going to work. And dating. And [00:14:00] Austin was very odd. And I say that because I. It's going to sound weird saying this, but I have to just be honest.

To my experience, I have never experienced this before, but I had so many guys take me out on dates thinking that they were going to get business advice for me. They would find out that I was working remote and. And then I had a business and they wanted to ask all the questions about it, which I definitely did not answer.

This is a date, this is not a consulting, um, like a consulting fee, a consulting call, like, get your shit together and go. And that was very sad just because I was like, wow. Like I really like Austin. But why are these guys, you know, why do these guys think they can take advantage of me like this? Like it was so weird, like they didn't even want to like use me for my body and that was the crazy thing.

These dudes didn't even fuck me. Well, it's also because I didn't let them fuck me, but like it was very clear that their [00:15:00] intentions were truly just figuring out how to suck information out of my brain to help them escape this hell hole that they decided to dig themselves into. It was the craziest. And that definitely made me feel isolated, but at the same time, it made me realize that this shit is not for me.

Like I have got to go. So I left Austin with the intentions of moving back to LA, and I ended up actually living in San Francisco. It was something that I never thought I would do, but it's something that I at least wanted to try because I, I feel like I know myself extremely well, but at the same time, I tried to challenge my beliefs by doing exactly what I did.

So what I did was I went up to San Francisco and I found a client that I ended up working with and I felt it was best to stay up there and learn more about them, stay connected, get more connections in the tech industry and when it felt best leave. And, um, in April [00:16:00] of last year, actually March of last year, my cousin passed away.

And, um, a few days later, I actually saw one of my friends invited me. By the way, I promise all this has context and the context is why am I single? Uh, so again, in San Francisco, I wasn't really sure how long I was going to be there. I did go on dates. Um, nothing really made sense, especially because, um, uh, I got the vibe that even though people there didn't like living in SF and they didn't like their job, they were never going to quit, find something in LA like they wanted to and pursue their dreams on the side.

Like that was just never going to happen. And I just. I can't put myself in that kind of situation. It's very toxic, especially when a person like me genuinely likes what they're doing for work. Like we all have to work to pay our bills. It's just the name of the game. Unless you have rich parents, and if you have rich parents, like I hope you are super grateful.

Like I, you know, it sucks that we have to work right, but at least I'm doing something that doesn't. You know, eat away at my soul. Like I love helping people find jobs [00:17:00] and comedy unfortunately does not pay my bills yet and probably won't for several years. And to me that's okay. And I like having that freedom of knowing that comedy, as much as I do take it seriously and I do want it to be my career, it's still a hobby and it's still okay for me not to make money doing it.

If anything, I spend and lose money doing it. And to me that's totally okay. You know? So back to me, back to San, uh, San Francisco. So I only lived in San Francisco for a month. I actually lived in San Jose for the first three months of 2019 and I genuinely loved it. Um, but after my cousin passed away, um, I kinda something like clicked in my mind.

And I just started to feel like I had outgrown San Jose and I was ready for change. I really liked what I was doing, so it wasn't like I wanted to, you know, drop all of my clients, which felt good because I spent 2018 getting myself out of working as a marketer and working as a recruiter. And I've done career coaching over the years, and I.

Still do [00:18:00] it. And I still sell a book and a course on professional development. Uh, but now I can add recruitment consulting to my resume, which is really exciting. I did not want to do marketing anymore. I didn't want to date people in San Jose. And again, like I definitely put myself in situations to beat people.

And I definitely went on dates, but I didn't really get the vibe that this was for me. And I didn't really get the vibe that any of these guys were for me. And that felt totally okay. So when my cousin passed away. It just so happens that, um, one of my friends invited me to go see a few comedians. Uh, so it was at the San Jose improv and I was so blown away when they, um, announced the host.

I actually knew the host and they S they announced grant Kotter. And I had never looked up this show, mainly because my friend invited me to go see comedy, and I was just. Down, right? So they announced the host grant Cotter, and I was like, Holy shit. Like I know grant from the LA comedy [00:19:00] scene. And I had seen him down in San Diego when one of my old coworkers from New York city came out here.

Um, and we drove down from LA to San Diego for my friend to do like 10 minutes at this, like random spot. And that's how I met grant, and I was like that, like something about that. I was like, wow, like it's so crazy. Like they, we comedians talk about all the time how like the world is. Small comedy is small, like blah, blah, blah, um, the meaning of comedy, blah, blah, blah.

Right. But just hearing Grant's name, which was a familiar name to me, just made me feel a little more at home during this time, my life where, like I said, like I was in San Jose and I was just really happy with what I was doing professionally and I was really happy with the people I was surrounding myself with.

But I just, something clicked and I just realized that this was no longer for me, and it was just so refreshing to just like hear a name that I knew and you know, they. Continued on the show. And grant was hosting Ari [00:20:00] Mannis, um, did what I believe is considered a feature. I don't know all the terms. And then, uh, Theo Von headlined, and it was crazy.

Like the San Jose improv was fucking sold out for these people and it was pretty incredible just to experience that. And afterwards I said hello to the guys. And something clicked in my mind, and I went home and I said, you know what, I'm moving to Los Angeles ASAP. Um, but I had some time left on my lease and I already had a trip coming up at the end of the month for my birthday.

So I went down to Los Angeles and it was so crazy. Because when I got back to Los Angeles, it was kind of like I never left. I went to some of the same open mics I would go to back in the day, and I just felt like people welcomed me with open arms. So thank you guys. Uh, and ladies. Um, I met Carina Rez at one of these mics that I did when I was

Back and she's now not only one of my good friends, but she has become my cohost of the why not comedy show and the why not podcast. So thank you so much for [00:21:00] reaching out and becoming one of my good friends. Corina, I really appreciate you. And you know, needless to say, a few short weeks later, I had moved down to Los Angeles and when I moved down to Los Angeles, I knew that I at least need to, you know, let myself enjoy coming back to LA.

Like there's no need to come back to LA and settle down with someone. Like there's really no need. There was no one like in the pipeline that I kind of thought was the one that got away. And I definitely did not have time to jump back on dating apps just yet. So I would just go out and if I met people, we'd hook up.

But I also had like people that I would hook up with back in the day. So that's kind of how I fulfilled those needs. And I wasn't really sure about what part of Los Angeles I wanted to live in and that looking back on that, I'm just so glad I do things that are best for myself. And I just knew, like I, even though I loved the West side and I was living in this dream apartment, it just didn't feel right.

And I was down here April. May. [00:22:00] I went down to San Diego for a week or two. Then I came back, I went to Austin for about a month and then I came back and I just focused on just staying here and something about Venice didn't feel right and I was hanging out with a few comedians at the Hollywood improv and they made it pretty obvious to me that it would be smart for me to move out to West Hollywood.

And I was like, okay, boom, done. And you know, figured out the logistics of leaving my place in Venice and moving out here. And I moved out to West Hollywood on November 1st and it is one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. I am so very grateful to those two comedians. I won't, I don't even want to say their names, but there are two incredible headliners that I definitely look up to and I'm just so grateful for the time they spent with me that night and the feedback that they gave me and the advice that they gave me because truly like I was even walking home earlier.

And it's really obvious to me that I've made the best decision I could've made. Um, consider this. I was driving out to West Hollywood, [00:23:00] um, six days a week, and I don't commute to work. So driving 40 minutes one way, six days a week was kind of insane. I didn't complain about it at all, but it definitely took a toll on me and I realized that.

They were right. And it was time for me to make a change. And it was scary just because the West side is all I've ever known. Living by the beach, um, was something that I experienced growing up. Uh, my family didn't live on the water, but we lived, uh, you know, a few short miles away from it. And I was surrounded by beaches growing up.

So the idea of being so far, far I was gonna say foreign so far from the beach was foreign to me. And something that. Really attracted me to living in Los Angeles again, was being by the beach. Something I didn't like about Boulder and my experience in Austin was the fact that I was so far from the beach.

So. And moved to West Hollywood. And again, I was like, okay, like I am happy here. This is the place for me, but it still doesn't seem right for me to try jumping in a relationship like, let me enjoy living in West Hollywood. And it's not always about fucking [00:24:00] everyone, you know? It's about enjoying your time.

Like I was talking to this guy a few months ago and he was like, Oh, like what was dating like in Los Angeles versus New York city? And I was like, honestly, it feels weird to even compare the two because when I was dating in New York city, I was 22 and not really interested in a relationship. And now I'm 27 and I'm in West Hollywood and I am interested in a relationship.

And it just feels almost like you're not like pet, like a pedophile, but like, it feels weird. Like I was so young back then, like I was not interested in dating and the guy was like, Oh, you were just interested in fucking. And it's just like, okay, dude, this is just not going to work. Like sure. I was exploring my sexuality, but if the first thing you're going to jump to is I wasn't interested in dating because I was interested in just being railed out by a bunch of random dudes.

Like this is not a good start to a conversation. You're probably so fucking immature and so sad with your life. I mean, [00:25:00] another thing I didn't like about him was the fact that like he was getting ready to leave his job. He was going to get some kind of severance check because his company was downsizing and he was ready to make a career change.

And while that's great and fine for him, and I'm excited for him to make that change, I'm not in a position to date someone who is unhappy with their career. I have worked way too hard. To establish my career and to find happiness within my career and my business. And it is unfair for me to date someone who has not put in that work themselves, especially when they are older than me.

And this guy was, you know, at least 10 years older than me. So it's definitely not something I'm looking for in a relationship. And, you know, down to relationships and boundaries and you know, stuff like that. So like me now is January of 2018 I am loosely dating. When I say loosely dating, what I mean is I'm not putting a lot of pressure on myself to find a boyfriend.

Uh, but I am being intentional with the dates that I go on and I'm the kind of person who I do want to have sex with someone before [00:26:00] I dedicate too much time to them. I need to see if we are sexually aligned and you know, like that to me is definitely important. And after that, you know, I definitely like to figure out where the person is.

And to me that's totally fine. Like I want to ask them and I do ask them, Hey, like what are you looking for? And if they say like, they're just looking to have fun and stuff, I'm like, that's cool. And I literally just put like the block sign next to their name on my phone, just reminding me if I ever get the, um, like if I ever get the urge to text them.

Or if they texted me. It just reminds me like there's no reason to urgently respond to that text. If anything, you can leave that texts on read. It's really just not important. That person's not aligned with what you're looking for, especially when sex isn't good with the person, and especially when the person's not even that interesting.

Like it's just, I can't, I recently won a date with a guy and he like. Wanting to hang out with me so much. [00:27:00] Like, first of all, my cousin was in town. He was trying to hang out with me Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I didn't hang out with him. Friday, I hung out with him. Saturday, he was trying to get me to come over at four o'clock.

When he got out of work. I didn't, I had other stuff that I needed to do. Um, and I wanted to go hang out with other people. Um, and I wanted to go hang out with my friend. It was her birthday. I also needed to do an open mic. So. I did my mic. I hung out with my friend. My friend already knew I wasn't interested in hanging out all night in general.

I was also starting to feel a little like, just fatigue from being out so much. And my cousin was out in long beach doing some stuff that I didn't want to do. So I was like, okay, like I can hang out until it makes sense. Um, so I hung out with my friend. I met up with my cousin, he got his stuff and then he went back to long beach and then he left the next day.

And then I ended up meeting up with that guy cause I wanted to have sex with him. So I met up with him much later than, um, you know, when he initially recommended, we hung out for a little bit. I was kind of bored cause we were just like cuddling and [00:28:00] watching TV and like, I don't watch TV, but I was like, whatever, like at least I'm getting laid.

Um, we went to this event, which was boring as fuck. At least he understood that. So we left and then he tried getting me to go to a sports bar and I was just like, Hey, like I don't want to ruin your fun. I'm not really interested in staying out. Um, if you want to go to the sports bar, by all means go have your fine.

I'm going home. And surprisingly, he was actually like, yeah, you know what? Going to this bar, sports bar sounds boring. Let's just go home. And we went back to his place. We hooked up, we fell asleep and I felt weird sleeping over, but he insisted and he's kind of like a nice Kudler. So I did stay, but looking back on it, I think that was not appropriate for me to stay over because.

I just feel like, um, we're not aligned. So I did ask him today, uh, what he was looking for, and he was just like, Oh, like I'm just, you know, we're hanging out and having fun together, making, making each other feel sexy. Like, that's cool. And I'm like, that's cool and all, but like. I just want you to know you're asking to hang out with me [00:29:00] way too often.

So not only was he trying to hang out with me Saturday, but he was trying to hang out with me all day Sunday and then Sunday night he wanted to go out with me and I'm just like, I can't, like to me, I just felt like I was being trapped and suffocated. That's not even, I would never even hang out to someone I'm talking to like dating wise that often I'm just like, I have other shit to do.

Now. Um, you know, he kept trying to hang out with me and I, looking back on it, I felt a little rude after, but I was like, at least I said the truth, which was, um, you know, I kept trying to hang out with me. He's like, Oh, I'll send you the address to where I am. Like, I don't care if you're at your friend's bougie ass apartment.

I don't care. Whatever I'm working on is . More important and more interesting than you. And I said that, and I didn't mean to say that in a bitchy way, but it's just how I felt. You know, like I am so lucky that I have hobbies and interests that keep me more than entertained. Like I don't have to hang out with anyone.

If I don't want to, and these are my friends, these are my, you know, potential significant others. These are my peers. Like I just, [00:30:00] at least my friends know that if I'm hanging out with them, I genuinely care about them because I, I just can't be fucking wasting my time, especially with dudes that are not in alignment with me.

And it's just like, I don't care. Like there are so many people I could have great sex with that are in alignment with me. So that's kind of a long rant about why I've been single and you know, some other things, you know, for starters, when I'm looking for someone to date, like I'm definitely looking for someone who's satisfied in their career.

They have to be taken care of their health. I don't care about what their body looks like, but they have to care about what they're eating. And at least. Live a healthy lifestyle. If you're doing drugs, you're popping Molly, you're going to Vegas and getting bottle service and all this shit. That sounds horrible.

If you're smoking cigarettes, all of this sounds fucking boring and not something I'm interested in, and I'm sorry if that sounds mean to people who are into that stuff. I don't judge people who do that stuff, but that's just not for me and I just feel like. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I grew up in New York.

I partied a lot when I was [00:31:00] younger. I just, I was like over that whole rave scene. By the time I was, I was never into it, but I was really over it by the time I was 18 we used to sneak into raves in Brooklyn and shit when I was a kid, cause I lived on long Island and we'd pay so much money to take the L I double R in or when my friend got a car we'd drive in because that was cheaper.

Man. But I just never thought that was fun. And you know, it's just like, none of that is sounding like something that I want in a partner. If the only thing you think is fun to do in your free time is to go to a bar and drink or go to like loud concerts and shit. Like that's just not for me, and that's okay.

Um, again, I definitely don't want to date someone who doesn't feel fulfilled in their career. I don't want to date someone who has a chip on their shoulder about how they've spent their time, what they've done with their career so far. The fact that they went to college for a thing that they hate. Like, I just don't care.

Um, I don't want to date someone who is in an unhealthy amount of debt and isn't doing anything to . Work on that. Um, [00:32:00] that's really not something that I want to deal with, especially because, you know, I, at a certain point did my get myself into some debt. It was never a tremendous amount. It never surpassed about $8,000 but when it was at $8,000 I felt like my life was over and my like whole, like my whole life was over and it just really troubles me when I meet people that have so much student debt, they pay an ungodly amount for their apartment.

Then they also have like a super fancy car that they're leasing or financing, and it's just not something that I personally want to deal with. And that's fair because the truth is like, I've dealt with that stuff myself and I mean, I never leased a car and did all of that. I've never gotten to student debt, but.

I just feel like it's not fair because that comes with a lot of pressure and I don't want to feel that because I did the work to make sure that that wasn't the position I found myself in. Now, of course, if I meet someone and that's their case and they're working on it, and I can tell if they're doing their best, that's totally different.

I'm not [00:33:00] saying that you have to be this perfect person to go out into the dating world, but I definitely think that you need two things before you go out and you start dating and one is. The confidence and the ability to be okay by yourself. There are a lot of people that go on dates and hang out with people just so that they don't have to be alone, and that's sickening.

And the other one is some sort of financial stability, and that may look different for me than what it looks like for you. But I just think that when these two things are not the case, it's not the right mindset and it's not really fair to yourself and other person you're going on dates with, um, because you just really can't show up as your best self when these are the situations.

So. These are some things that I'm definitely looking for. And you know, they also have to be, you know, interested in dating one person. And if that's not what they're interested in, that's totally okay. Um, that doesn't make them this horrible person. It just makes them wrong for me. And no one's gonna tell me what I cannot and cannot do.

And no one's going to tell me to stay in a lane I want [00:34:00] on a date with someone recently. And he's super cool and super talented and I definitely, you know, wish him well, but he was definitely trying to tell me to stay in a lane. That he thought he belonged in and I didn't. And I'm just like, I'm not interested in that dude.

Like, you're not going to fucking tell me what I can and cannot do. Like you're not going to tell me I can't create a cookbook cause I don't have a culinary degree. Like I'm sorry that you do and you never made one like, sorry that you don't know how that works. Um, but I'm really interested in multiple things and the person that I date cannot be intimidated by that and cannot be telling me to stay in a lane.

They should be one of my biggest fans, my biggest cheerleader. They should be asking me how they can help facilitate that dream. And if there is anything they can do to facilitate that dream. So fuck them hoes. So now it's January of 2020 and it's officially been two years since I've been single. And that does not make me feel weird at all.

Like the idea of being married before 30 sounds terrifying. The idea of kids is even more terrifying. Like [00:35:00] I just can't imagine having kids. I don't want kids. Kids are a serious responsibility. I think it takes a lot of, um, selflessness to actually have kids. And. I'm here to put it on record and say that I am clearly selfish with how I spend my time and I'm not excited by the idea of kids and spending my time with a kid.

That sounds like a nightmare. So now we're going to switch this portion into, um, we're going to start talking about the starting project things. That's going to probably be a little shorter than expected, mainly because I'm on a time crunch. I want to go catch a show to support my friend Karena actually, but.

So leave you on a final note because I do get asked about this all the time, and I think that other people hearing how other people make decisions in their life is helpful. At least it's been super helpful for me. So now it's January of two 2020 I've been single for two years, and I'm loosely dating again, not putting too much pressure on myself at all, and understanding that.

I'm here in this apartment until April 15th, [00:36:00] and if I meet someone before then, great. If not, I'm not too concerned because I'm most likely going to be on the road for a month. Uh, so keep an eye out for the beach hor tour. Ladies and gentlemen, the beach or tour is kicking off in April. April 16th I will be flying to Austin and two days later I have my first show and I will be doing shows there for about two weeks.

And at the end of April I will most likely take my next stop to Tampa, where I will be performing, and then I'm going to work my way up the East coast to some of my favorite places. And then I will most likely fly either to San Diego or SF, most likely San Diego. Do some shows there, pick up my car in LA, and then.

Do you have a little tour up the coast, uh, and make this a full month extravaganza. So keep an eye out for that. And to me, like, I need to meet someone who is totally okay with the fact that I'll be gone and, you know, maybe we'll have an open relationship while we're gone. Maybe we won't. Who [00:37:00] cares? Like, I've been in situations like that and to me, like, whatever works best for me and my partner works best for me, you know?

Um, but. Yeah. Like there's a lot of things that can be a little uncertain in my life and I need someone to be okay with that. So here's the next section on, you know, starting projects. Um, first things first, if you are proud of the first thing that you launch, you launched too late. Um, so many people, they want to start things and they wait until they can afford the best gear.

Um, so. Well, I'm recording this on is actually a Mike. I'll list it below this. Mike costs me about $150. Um, I do believe that I was able to get it $20 cheaper on Amazon, so a bitch fucked up. So I'll give you the Amazon link. Um, I bought it directly from Apple. But to be honest, um, when I first started recording a podcast a while ago, I actually was able to get incredible audio, not in this earlier podcast, but I, cause I think I was like filming on like [00:38:00] some other fuck, like possibly my fucked up phone or whatever it was.

But anyways, um. You are able to record pretty incredible audio with just your iPhone or your, um, whatever these Android phones are called these days. Um, I have friends that have podcasts that they started with just their phone and it sounded so incredible and I did try investing in gear and I'll link all of that below.

I had a friend come over and I was like, Hey, like I want to do this right. I just don't know what to buy. If you can point me in the direction of what to buy, I would like to buy this stuff for myself for Christmas and you know, go ham on a podcast with video stuff. And I bought the stuff and it was hard for me to configure and it did not sound good.

Like this literally sounds way better than, you know, this. Industry standard recording stuff because it doesn't matter if you have the latest gear, if you don't know how to use it. And then the other thing is it doesn't matter what gear you're using, if it's over complicated and you're not going to create the content you want to create with it, what is the point?

And I just found myself so overwhelmed by all the things, [00:39:00] all the devices, uploading it to my computer. And with this Mike, I was like. Yes. It's friendly for travel, which my expectation is that I will be on the road more and more often. And not only is this easy for travel cause it's quite literally can fit in my pocket and my handbag and my book bag, obviously my luggage, but this is super easy to use.

I can plug it into my phone, I could plug it into my iPad, I can record it has all the same settings. It has all the settings I could possibly need and more. So I'm a big fan of this. I'm excited to get better at using it and learning how to use it for my other podcast with Corina, where it's two people being recorded at once, but you know, think about things as you know, you should be figuring out an MVP, which I believe stands for a minimal.

Variable product. And you know, what that really just means is, you know, figuring out what is the, what is the easiest way, cheapest way, quickest way for you to produce whatever you're trying to produce to even test if people are interested in it. Like, what's the point of [00:40:00] having all this, you know, state of the art.

Audio and video stuff. If no one's listening to your shit, maybe you should figure out how to get people to listen to your shit. Like I see people and I think it's great that they're able to get their, you know, video and audio and all this stuff sounded great, but it's just like, wow, like you did all that and then you didn't figure out how to get eyeballs on it.

So you have like these super incredible visuals and audios and probably some interesting conversations and literally three people, your mom, your best friend and yourself are the three views. Listening to that. And that's just heartbreaking because I never want to see people waste their time and you know, spend their money and their energy and a thing that no one cares about.

And then maybe they have to figure out, maybe the idea sucks or maybe their marketing skills suck and they need to work on that. But the point is here, you want to create an MVP, create a shitty version of the thing, just to see if people are interested in it before going ham, you know? And you know something that, that guy that I was, you know, dating or going on a few dates with that told me [00:41:00] to stay in my lane.

He was like, why don't you just focus on one thing? And I was just kind of like. No, honestly, you focused on one thing and you're upset about it. I like to fail fast and learn quickly, and I try multiple things at once. Figure out what I'm interested in and figure out what I'm good at and then go from there.

I'm not taking your fucking slow ass like highway or back ass road, I guess is the better term to figuring out what I actually want to do with my life and my time. There are such simple ways for you to do anything these days, like a blog does not have to be self hosted on WordPress to get started.

There are so many free options, cheap options. My blog is hosted on Squarespace. It will probably stay there for quite some time. There are other apps and integrations that my website works with to help me sell my course and all this stuff, and it's very low maintenance because I didn't build all this custom stuff.

Which means, uh, all these other sites that I use, their web developers are in charge of keeping it up to date. I don't need a web developer to update my stuff, [00:42:00] which means not only is it easier for me to get started, test my idea, and then run with it, but it's also cheaper for me to do all of that. And I also just want to add that it can be very cheap.

To outsource things, whether it's on Fiverr, Upwork, Craigslist, whatever it is. So when you have trouble and there are no people around you to help, definitely set aside a small budget, even if it is a hundred dollars $50 a month to outsource some stuff, like getting certain things like put in place just to get started, um, can be worth it.

Uh, I'm telling you, as someone who literally, I have outsourced very minimal, uh, I just got into outsourcing last year. And I wasted so much time, which is money. You know, like I think about it this way. How much money do I make? An hour? How much more money could I be making an hour? And how much does it cost to outsource this task?

If it's cheaper to outsource the task, I need to continue to get more comfortable. Sourcing the task. Now obviously don't outsource in a way that does not make sense for you, but it's [00:43:00] definitely doable and especially in a world where I know, especially here, like out here in LA, I was like, Oh man, like my video looks like shit, or my audio could be better, and it was just hindering me from doing what I want to do, which is just.

You know, spread good vibes, share some life advice, share some work advice, make people laugh and post thirst traps. You know? And I just feel like I got so much pressure because you know, so many people out here are just so talented and you know, they collaborate with their friends that are create incredible videographers and it can be so hard sometimes even to find someone to pay to do that stuff.

Like I would never want to work with someone and just be like. Let's collab because I run a business and I don't want to feel like I owe anyone anything. But even finding someone to pay to do this stuff can be quite a nightmare. And I felt like I was allowing all that to stop me from doing what I, what I'm here to do.

And I'm glad that I no longer feel that way. So, uh, that has been, you know, today's episode, we talked a little bit about dating and getting started with projects and MVPs and. Thank you guys so much for being [00:44:00] here. If you're curious, I am feeling a lot better. I am feeling probably if I'm, if I just stepped back and am a little serious with myself, I'm probably feeling 80 to 85% myself, probably 80%.

Um. And yeah, I'm going to go head out this episode. We'll be airing shortly. If you guys have any requests on what you want to hear me talk about in the future, definitely let me know. Um, and I will do my best to link all that audio and video stuff that I was talking about for starting a podcast below.

So thank you guys so much for joining me and we'll chat soon.